A couple of years ago I bought a poster in a thrift store. It’s a copy of an illustration by a French artist, and it depicts a woman looking out at the bay of Mont St. Michel. I liked the colors in the poster, and I thought the woman looked chic. I brought the poster home and propped it up against a wall in my living room (so that the back of the poster — the brown-paper backing and wire — faced outward). And there it stood for about a year. Occasionally, my husband would ask me if I wanted to hang it, and I’d say “No, not today.” Then one Sunday afternoon when he asked, I said “OK, let’s hang it.” I felt sheepish because I’d procrastinated for so long. I also felt annoyed and irritable — I didn’t want to hang the poster, but I didn’t understand why not. Eventually it hit me that the woman in the poster represents the kind of woman I want to be. She’s elegant…beautifully dressed. She looks like she’s up for an adventure, ready to plunge into life. And I guess I didn’t want to hang the poster because I thought it would serve as a constant reminder of the contrast between how I want to be and how I am (or at least how I have been for most of my life). But I am going to try to use the image of the woman as an inspiration.

So… I’m going to start posting on this blog again. My father was an abusive alcoholic. I loved him, but he damaged me and my family tremendously. I’ve spent pretty much my entire adult life trying to undo that damage. I’ve been working with a great therapist, and I’ve made some progress recently. My therapist has assured me that there are many, many people struggling with similar problems.  I think the woman in the poster would be open…would share her problems with others.  She would not be ashamed or afraid.  So, I will post this and consider it one step toward becoming the person I want to be.